This irritates me to no end because 1.) My mother and I have a challenging relationship due to her own unresolved childhood trauma and narcissistic tendencies, 2.) I already have a biological father with whom I also have a complicated relationship but still speak to on a regular basis, and 3.) at 28 years old, I am not really looking to onboard new parental figures. However, after their most recent visit, my mother embarked on a bizarro campaign to make me view Joe as my adopted father. What matters is that he seems to treat her well enough, and my mother seems happy. After a string of unfortunate circumstances and questionable choices over the course of a decade, she finally found “Joe.” They’ve been dating for a year now, and she insists he’s “The One.” Since my long-term partner and I live five hours away, we’ve only met Joe a few times. My mother became a parent at a young age, and when she divorced my father during my teenage years, it was assumed that she would eventually remarry. What should I do? I am very tempted to cancel one of the tickets, make up a work excuse, and just go by myself. I would be happy enough to babysit so they could go out, but these tickets were expensive and it has always been something we did together. Ally was excited about the tickets, but then she told me she rather take her husband and have me stay and babysit her son. We always had a tradition of doing this together. For Ally’s birthday, I got two tickets to a Broadway play in the city. When I talk to Ally, she brushes me off with the excuse that she is a busy mom. Otherwise, it is just non-responsive texts or last-minute cancellations. I love the little guy, but the only time that Ally ever responds to my texts or calls is when she needs me to watch him. I understand that friendships change after having kids, but right now I am feeling used by my oldest friend, “Ally.” Ally has a 3-year-old son. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column.
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